Chris Redfield was arrested today under a continued dogged investigation – both literal and figurative – by Federal Prosecutor Adam Schiff, who refused any comment regarding Redfield’s case saying that the ongoing investigation into the behavior of “S.T.A.R.S.” (“Special Tactics and Rescue Service”) would continue until it reached its natural conclusion.
In the first public senate hearing on the Federal matter, Albert Wesker’s attorney Danielle Melnick confirmed her client was co-operating with the Federal Courts given his medical condition of “Insequituious Perpituous” a rare form of the mutagen “T -Virus”
which requires a person remain alive so long as the protagonist tries to continually kill him. Wesker confirmed that he was indeed ingesting a drug that had caused him to mutate into such a form that it allowed him to actually remain alive in a volcanic environment. He questioned why this indictment had been such a long time coming, saying “The man literally punched through a boulder to try and kill me… what the hell? If I’d known that was possible without hideous mutations I’d have been doing it years–” He was cut off at this point by his own attorney.
Unusually, Schiff allowed Wesker’s testimony and the subsequent questions related to it and Chris Redfield to be open to the public, alleging that S.T.A.R.S. had shown an “extraordinary violation of public protocol that not only endangered the lives of its citizens but whose actions before and after the ‘Raccoon City Mansion Incident’ showed a reckless disregard for human life.”
Several Senators, including James Imhofe (R-OK) questioned the wisdom of hiring Rebecca Chambers, to Jill Valentine, the wisdom hiring an 18 year for her “moxie ”
and his opinion was agreed only given the odd nature of radio contact between the S.T.A.R.S. members during the initial incident. Barney Frank (D-MA) questioned “The stilted nature of contact seems to indicate some form of intoxication” noting that S.T.A.R.S. member Barry Burton seemed at one point to suggest Valentine may have been an edible sandwich after a narrow escape from a trap. “Your demeanor in that mansion was impossibly stiff and uneven, I see no other explanation other than recreational drug use that could allow you to remain so impervious to the very plainly obvious”
Further questions were raised regarding Chris Redfield’s relationship with the late Piers Nivens, which soldiers described as “overtly sexual and inappropriate ”
but “Do you want to deal with a guy with arms like Redfield’s ?” Many in the gallery admitted that Nivens’ ass was “hot as hell , but I’m totally straight” including Representative David Schock (R-IL) surprising no one.
Although called to the stand, an “Ada Wong” was unavailable for comment, though sources confirm a woman in an impractical dress was seen running from the courthouse rooftop using cables that had not previously been seen in any functional use before.
Leon Kennedy was called to testify regarding S.T.A.R.S conduct, and was questioned as to how he was able to escape a horde of zombies, leap onto a bus, then onto a helicopter narrowly avoiding a crashing F-15 Fighter Jet before crashing through solid plate glass only to immediately recover and comment “I’m Fine”. He simply quipped “Maybe it’s Maybelline ” as a gust of wind took his hair just slightly asunder and wooed all those present despite the room having no doors or windows open.
Hearings are scheduled to continue as soon as Wesker has made a daring escape and is prepared to execute a ridiculous and circuitous plot whose outcome is murky and nebulous at best.